defend your vice.

I think it started as a defense mechanism, but my vice is definitely lying.  I used to lie to everybody.  I think it was a fear of being discovered, found out... and stopped.  I have always known what I wanted, and instead of going about and earning it in an honorable way, I have schmoozed and cajoled my way into the sweet spot.  I am a brown-noser and a sneak.  All of these things, I think, make me a liar.  Lying has allowed me get the things I want... without the consequences.  Most of the time.

When I realised that I may just be getting pathological, I have definitely made an effort to minimize the lying.  I can't stop completely, and definitely not all at once.  Sometimes I think that the consequences for honesty are worse than the consequences for deceit.  I still lie... but many times, to the people who matter, I will stop myself, apologise, and tell the truth.

My defense for my vice is simple - who doesn't lie?  We all have something to hide, and lying allows us to put up a shield.  I have become a mistress of the redirect, and the lie of omission.  We may not always say what is on our mind, but there are times when we leave out details, deceive someone with undeserved hope.  We all lie, every day.

I am admitting it.